I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She even gives head with a lisp.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
