when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
