His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
