this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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