what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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