Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
