never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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