I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
