would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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