he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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