So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
