he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize