he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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