remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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