Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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