and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
