I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
