Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Houston, we have a squirter
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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