I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
