There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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