I think I am morally bankrupt
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
