I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
