so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
