you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
