Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
