My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
