I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
