I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
