why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
