But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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