dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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