i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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