awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
