he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
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