Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
