Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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