it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I have fence marks all over my body
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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