Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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