Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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