So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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