On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
literally had 100 drinks last night.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
