did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
