I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Randomize
