I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
PANTIES FOUND
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
