If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
