no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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