I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
