So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Can I color on your dick again?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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