you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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