ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
