You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
