PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
