Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
