the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Small penises have feelings too.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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