would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
