I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
being pregnant is like rehab
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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