I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
