p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
