are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
My hand turned me down
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
