Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
