im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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