In the future we'll all be gay
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
its not stalking. its research.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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