is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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