so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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