I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
