Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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