You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
that is very illegal...i love you.
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