My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
