i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
