so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
