just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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