haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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