Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
