Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
