my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
