My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
please come you make the beer taste better
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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