I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
