He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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