i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
