I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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