If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Too much gin, very little bucket
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
