If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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