Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize