paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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