3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
