peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
