When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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