Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
