I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Randomize
