why didn't you poke me back
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
