11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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