i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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