she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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