I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
