Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
