i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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