just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
