He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
