if i can run in heels then i can drive
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize