3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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