jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
