he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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