I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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