He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Randomize
