Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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